A visit from head office

Hello, I’m a business man, and I’m going to take the sales figures from January 2012 and January 2013, draw a line between the two data points, and consider this to be enough for evidence of a trend. I will not take into consideration any environmental variables, such as differing weather conditions and disruption to train services that might have affected business.

I’m also going to open 3 other stores offering the same service as your store within a 2 mile radius, and then wonder why sales at this store have decreased.

In addition, I will express disbelief at the suggestion that people might be shopping at the other new stores that are further away than this one, because it hasn’t occurred to me that they might work closer to these new stores and it might be more convenient for them, and I think that everybody just teleports home from their desks every evening, rather than having to commute, which might indeed involve traveling past aforementioned new stores.

During this entire encounter, I will fail to introduce myself to you or ask you your name, because I am far too busy ensuring that my every thought and behaviour is an act of metaphorical masturbation.

It is this skill set that means I deserve more money than you for doing my incredibly important job.

Good day.


One thought on “A visit from head office

  1. I just plotted a graph of the average temperatures for the last 18 months and drew and straight line from June 2011 to December 2012. I concluded that we are entering a new ice age.

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